So earlier this year, I had an operation to help my Achilles tendon move around easier. It worked but my Achilles remained screwed. Tomorrow morning I am going for a platelet injection into my Achilles (yes I am squealing like a stuck pig even thinking about this). The aim is to create inflammation so that the Achilles can start rebuilding itself.
I thought I better go and visit the nail ladies and have a pedicure, given my left foot is about to be shoved into a boot for a fortnight. Take the old polish off, bit of a buff and tickle, and off we go again.
I’ve been doing the pedi thing every month since Mrs Cuppy gave me a voucher for one for my birthday last year. Not being an overly ladylike beast, it was given a bit tongue-in-cheek. I bit back by getting hot pink nail varnish. But the thing is, since that first pedi, I realised I actually like not having to
bite cut my own toenails. And I like the massage chair. And I like the spa. So now I do it every month.
Last month, I went for a very fungal green, and in a moment of strangeness, I elected to have a panda painted onto my big toenails. It’s winter, I reasoned. Nobody would notice. I kinda liked them. Yes, when I was barefoot, it did look like I had kicked a pile of birdshit. But they were pandas. On my toes.
I guess it was the nail art that gave today’s nail lady the idea that I had a “thing” for pictures on my big toes.
Because I sat down, and she had a look, and told me she had a really cute new design for me.
I told her I wanted to just keep them plain this time, but she assured me it was very nice and I would love it. So I yielded. Told her to go for it.
At first, it looked like the Mardi Gras symbol:
And I thought to myself, wow, she must be able to tell that I’m gay! Was it the jeans? The Pink Floyd shirt? Gaydar? I mean, I am pretty obviously not a girly girl.
WHICH IS WHY, WHEN SHE CARRIED ON WITH HER DESIGN, I WAS SO FREAKING SHOCKED.
I mean seriously.
She carried on, filling in the two sideways hearts with red. Then outlined them with black. Maybe a butterfly? God, I don’t know. I kept watching.
And then physically recoiled when I realised what she was doing.
You know when you can’t laugh, but you want to? And the laughing gets bigger and bigger because it cannot be released? And your body starts doing involuntary shakes and squeaks?
That was me.
Because THIS IS WHAT SHE DID!!!!!
Big red bows with white polka dots.
I look like I’ve kicked Minnie Mouse in the head.
Nobody looks at me and assumes there are going to be frigging bows!
And I had to sit there and let them dry and lots of people walked past and did double takes when they saw my double bows. One person even suggested I could change them to butterflies if I wanted to. Because the idea of me in bows is totally bloody ridiculous!!!
This might be a cute new design. But it is most definitely on the wrong feet.
And now I have to find a way to remove them before tomorrow. Because I cannot spend two weeks with a bow peeking out from my big black post-Achilles-injection boot!!!
Or can I?
What do you think?