I’ve just thrown dinner in the oven. For some reason when I did the groceries this week I was hit by an urge to recreate a meal that I used to have with a couple of friends when I was at uni. It was generally on a Wednesday night that we’d meet up and have dinner. This was when I was doing my Masters, and I was working at a school casually, teaching English as a Second Language (ESL). It was a good job that I was petrified at, but managed to floss my way through because of the friends I had at the school.
We became good friends. I was at their weddings. One was at my mum’s funeral. We celebrated birthdays and hirings and firings and moving houses and adopting and accidents and near misses and life and grief and hope and disappointment and joy. And constantly through that time were these Wednesday night dinners. Usually fortnightly, unless we could do weekly.
The dinner that is in the oven? My memory tells me that it is great. But I am having a wondering, a moment of panic, thinking that it might have been what that time in my life represented that made it good. Because I loved those girls, loved hanging out with them and learning with them and growing with them.
And I can write this knowing that they won’t be reading it. They most likely have no idea this blog even exists. In fact, part of me wonders if they remember that even I exist, because I haven’t spoken to them in several years now.
Since I came out. Since who I am suddenly became completely unpalatable. Since I no longer fell in line with who they thought I was.
I’d really like to text them or ring them and let them know I’m cooking that meal. The one we giggled over. Shared thoughts over. Played games around. Talked about god and work and school and relationships.
I never thought it would end out this way. And there is gap in my life that they’ve left.
But the dinner still smells good.
Chicken & Asparagus Bake
Put 2 cups of cooked spiral noodles in a casserole dish. Throw some chunks of (raw) chicken breast on top, with some asparagus and some broccoli (or whatever veges are in the fridge). In a bowl, combine a tin of Cream of Asparagus soup, a cup of water, 1/3 cup parmesan cheese, 1 tsp mixed herbs and some salt and pepper. Pour it over the chicken. Top with breadcrumbs and grated cheese. Cook at 190 degrees for 45 minutes.