We’re on day five of afternoon storms and as I write this Zelda is seriously losing her shit. You know how people joke about heavy breathing in prank calls? Well Zelda does it ON YOUR FACE without missing a beat for the entire duration of the storm. And the hour before the storm, and the hour after the storm. She’s just lovely. Yep. Remember that.
Anyway I had a BIRTHDAY yesterday! Hooray! My very beautiful beloved sent me off for an afternoon of pampering, and here is my post-facial look:
When I got home there was a bunch of my total favourites sitting on the table. I love sunflowers. They are so bold and don’t give two shits about the weeds or the roses or any other more refined flower. They just stick their heads out and demand admiration. Love them. Here they are:
Speaking of gifts, I stumbled across a very special festive treat for Christmas this year. I saw it shared on Facebook and while I can’t remember who shared it, I have kept the seller’s name in the image for your shopping convenience. It’s a glitter pill and you can buy them on Etsy. What do you do with a glitter pill? I’m glad you asked! Simply swallow the pill, which is full of non-toxic glitter. Then poo. And you have created a unique, sparkly, somewhat bizarre yuletide decoration that I believe should hang out under every Christmas tree. It’s true – you can’t polish a turd, but it turns out you can eat glitter and shit sparkles, which is almost the same thing.
What have we become, folks? What happened?
I’ve been off the air for a while because
Dodo is useless because we are experiencing some WiFi issues. There’s a little man coming tomorrow to help us out, which I am sure will last at least a day or two. Then we’ll be back on the phone to the call centre, being told how very valued we are.
I have had a couple more interactions with telemarketers, and I have learned that they do not like talking about apricots. Particularly when you pretend you are selling them at a fruit market. Funnily enough, telemarketers don’t really like it when you interrupt them to try to sell them something.
For for thought, folks!
Sadly it is not the kind of food that will make you shit glitter. That kind of thing is in a completely different world.
How are you? Pull up a seat and tell me your news! While you’re at it, tell me: would you take a glitter pill?