I’m having a peculiar kind of day.
I woke up fine, then blew my nose, which is not part of my everyday routine.
Dogs came inside, and I took Scout’s parka off her and discovered that shenanigans had occurred overnight, resulting in a sizeable tear down the length of her night attire. Being a can-do kind of person, I decided I would fix it for her. Turned on the heater to fight the chill in the air, flicked on the sewing machine, sewed a few stitches, and like magic the electricity disappeared.
I was in the middle ages, friends.
I sat, shivering in front of the sewing machine. The heater was gone. The dogs were looking at me as if I had directly caused this sudden coldness and darkness. And I suppose I had.
I flicked off power points and puzzled over the sudden lack of electricity, yet continued presence of lights and washing machine rumble. Scouty whimpered and I returned the sentiment. I shivered again and wished I was more skilled at dressing to suit the weather instead of comfort. Trotting outside, I located the fuse box and the rogue switch. Flicked it. Reconsidered, and flicked it off. Rang the landlord. He told me to flick it. Flicked it.
In total, I was outside for maybe five minutes.
BUT THE DAMAGE WAS DONE.
Upon my return to the house I coughed and sniffed. I realised that my throat was feeling tender. It had happened: I had been betrayed by my summer jarmies and had caught a winter chill.
But I still had things to do. I drove to the local car parts place, bought a head light globe and paid the man there to install it. I was no longer being a can-do person. I was a sick person. A person who had succumbed to the wintery chills that had I have avoided for the past few months. And when I left the car parts place, I think I saw a woman that has been a tormentor of mine for several years. Tailspin continued.
It’s funny. Even as an adult, it is so hard to recover from bullying and harassment. You can be safe and secure and thriving in most areas of your life. But a maybe sighting of someone who had it in for you several years ago? Instant reducing back to that state of unease and upset. Am I alone in this? Does everyone else just get on with life and not let these people continue to have power? How can I stop it?
I made my way home and went straight outside.
I knew what I had to do.
I found a tennis ball, and my Scouty.
Threw the ball. Again and again. I let the wind blow at me and the sun shine on me. I let Harry sit on my lap and Zelda barked and barked. Happiness was restored. The good in my life was acknowledged.
Yes, I am sick.
Yes, it has been a peculiar morning.
But I can remember the good things in my world, engage in them, and find a smile once again. And I reckon that is a greater power than what an angry middle aged woman can ever have over me.