Captain Literal


To be honest, I’m pretty pleased that I struggle to lie. This does have social implications, though. Yup. Just call me Captain Literal.

I spent a few days with my sister recently, and this was where my tendency to be quite literal caused a few problems. You see, I just forget to listen out for social cues every now and then. So when we were working out what to do for dinner, I confess: I dropped my guard, and in doing so, accidentally ordered a very overpriced and foul curry.

Here’s the story: we were trying to decide between noodles or Indian for dinner. We went to the local Indian place, checked out the menu, and that’s when I subtly pointed out to my sister how very overpriced the menu was. She took it on board, and told the woman waiting for our order that we would just pop outside and ring Dad, to see what he would like us to order.

Now, most people would have registered this as the creation of an opportunity to escape the restaurant without ordering. Not me. Oh, no. Instead, I replied with this: “Dad? Is he coming for dinner too?”. Then I slowly cottoned on: “Oh! Dad! Yes. Yes. Let’s ring him. Outside.”

My sister’s eyes opened quite wide and she started doing the facial movements of one holding back a rather large fit of giggles. We went outside and she called me ridiculous while we rolled around laughing. Then we went back in and ordered dinner, squeaking with mirth and stupidity.

The next day we were strolling around her local shopping centre. Out of the corner of her eye, my sister saw our grandmother. As much as we love her, my sister and I don’t get around to visiting dear old Nan very often. For me, its due to location; my sister, she works full time as well as tutoring and other stuff. Either way we both feel our excuses are valid.

We trotted over and said hello to Nan, who was out for lunch with one of her carers. These carers do such a fantastic job. My Nan is always with visitors, on coffee trips, adventures and various gallivanting experiences. Anyway, this particular carer greeted us and once she worked out where we fit in her client’s life, asked the obvious question: “Do you visit your nan often?”.

I started to answer in the negative. My sister, sensing weakness, stepped in and explained that we had actually dropped in this morning but no one was home. She looked at me for back up and it was there.

“Yes. We did that. Yeeeeees.”

My sister did the eyes and face thing again.

One more before I go? OK. Well, after seeing my sister I went with my beloved to a party. It was a 40th and there was some discussion over reading glasses and computer monitors. Someone made a joke about the invention of Braille monitors. I didn’t even think.

“Braille monitors? That would never work. Seriously?”

And that is the end of this Captain’s log for today.

Are you literal? Do you “get it” when someone is playing with words or creating excuses?


2 responses »

  1. Ah Ms Naughty,

    You never fail me to make me giggle, or laugh so much my sides hurt.

    I too am a bluntly honest person, I have moments of literal thinking… However I am capable of being extremely artful with my words… Because well the majority of people cannot handle most of what comes out of my mouth in moments of extreme honesty, though I have also learnt I am (to those who know me well) the person they will only come to when they are prepared to hear the truth and have no holds barred.

    But I still get caught up if I hear something that I can’t wrap my literal mind around and my response is the same as yours ‘literally? Are you serious?’


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