The Bite

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It’s like sinking into a warm bath. The bubbles and temperature welcome you home, comfort you, hold you. 

It’s like taking off your bra when you get home. Relief. 

It’s like unzipping a too-tight pair of jeans, except the pair of jeans is your skin and you aren’t unzipping, you’re cutting. 

It has been a long, long time since I have done it. But it doesn’t leave your thought space or your chemical make up. I ended up using my stubbornness to stop. I didn’t want to break my winning streak – the time since the last time. So far I’m at around three years, which is my best effort yet. 

Confronting, sad, intriguing, devastating – but not actually the worst thing that we could be doing. There are things far worse than negative coping strategies. Because that is what self harm is. A coping strategy. A way to feel when you want to stop the numbness. I way to punish yourself for being the scum you’re convinced you are. 

Why this post, and why today? 

Yesterday was a bad day… but my winning streak continues.

If you are a self harmer. If your child is a self harmer. If someone you love is a self harmer. 

Remember that there are people who have stopped. It’s possible. It’s not easy, and that urge doesn’t disappear – but it is possible. 

Promise.

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