I’m sorry, but I am not feeling the burn

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Sochi.

Winter Olympics.

Norwegian Curling Pants.

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Not Russia’s views regarding same-sex attracted athletes. Not the communal toilets. Not the door that had to be opened by shoulder-charging a hole in it.

Norwegian Curling Pants.

The spirit of the Winter Olympics, right there in nylon and patterns.

They’re marvelous. They’re magnificent. They’re roomy, stretchy, functional, and have an almost cult following on social media. The blends of colours shout louder than any cheering crowd. One can only guess that they are designed to deliver a shocking distraction, allowing the team to curl their way to the winner’s podium.

Curling is fantastic, for several reasons. The obvious is the Norwegian pants. I so want a pair. But then there is the fact that you can participate in the Winter Olympics if you can sweep or slide rocks! AWESOME. In fact, I’ve realised that I’ve been preparing the next generation of curling champions. You see, for years now my Cubs have played a very similar game, using chalk and potatoes. I’m hoping to raise funds to get some spectacular pants for them, and then we shall take on the world.

The reason for the patterns is as baffling as the sport of curling itself.

At first I thought that, similar to golf pants, curlers were required to wear these pants. Not so. Some pretty basic research soon showed me that the Norwegian team are… different. They’re pretty damn spectacular, actually.

Often, our puerile minds are distracted with this kind of thing at the Olympics:

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I think there is really only one thing left to say. It sums up Sochi 2014, the Winter Olympics, and all things associated:

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