A very exciting thing happened last week.

I received a parcel in the post. I knew what was in it before I opened it. i had anticipated the arrival of this parcel for many moons now. Since I submitted my order, in fact. Never before have I been so excited about online auction sites. Yes. It had finally, finally happened.

And with the opening of my parcel, I embraced my new life:

I had officially become a panda.


That, friends and well wishers, is a 100% latex panda head. It cost me just under ten bucks thanks to the world of online shopping, and I can’t help but think that those ten dollars have been particularly well spent.

What is most surprising about this panda head is that it makes me dance.

It fills me with a lightness of foot that has never fallen upon me before. I can panda pirouette, panda prance, panda disco groove. The panda hat also enables me to pose. Pose, pose and pose.

It has just occurred to me that this posing may in fact be vogue-ing.

scary  panda_head  blind_panda  1379738_584873718214660_969599578_n  thinking

Anyway anyway, this is all well and good and to be honest, expected.

But I can see, in hindsight, while it is really only expected if you know about the panda head.

Because my beloved did not.

When she came over, I had just gotten out of the shower and was butt naked. Except for the panda head. i was in my room, organising some clothing. I could hear her usual bloody racket gentle voice and soft door shutting. So I did what anyone would do.

Wearing my panda head and nothing else, I struck a pose just behind the bedroom door and waited.

She opened the door. She shut the door. She caught sight of me and almost soiled herself.

And I?

Friends, I danced!

I finished my performance by diving onto the bed, grabbing my toes and rolling around and around, making panda noises. Then I removed the head, and looked at her expectantly.

Now, I’m not sure what look I expected to see on her face.

But it wasn’t this:

That’s love on her face, isn’t it?


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