A Picnic with my Beloved.


There are times when I try to be someone that I’m not. I try to be organised, well groomed, dressed nicely in non-wrinkled clothing… and then I realise. It’s just not me.

So when it came time to take my beloved on a date, I considered all the fanciness in the world. Well, all the fanciness with a $30 budget. I’m nothing if not generous with my loving. But then, I came to the conclusion that while it would be lovely to take her somewhere meaningful, like the Shorty Pub, or somewhere classy, like Bero Bowlo, it would be better if I just remained true to form.

I planned a picnic. A picnic in a park in a town that we both particularly like. I even made sure to set my alarm, so that I would have time to prepare my Very Special Menu.

However, when awoke, I discovered that a parcel had been delivered. A parcel that was long-awaited, and much anticipated.

This is what it contained:


Simultaneously, two things happened. The first: my life became a lot more interesting. The second: picnic preparations went out the window for the next hour or two, as I proceeded to visit my neighbour, wake up my flatmate, and then have a very serious think:

ImageAt the conclusion of my serious but rather brief period of thinking, I returned home to create the ideal menu for a romantic picnic.

This is what I made:

Image      Image

As you can see, my beloved was rather impressed.

Which is good, as I had extensive ground to make up given the somewhat shocking and totally characteristic meeting she had with my panda head – a story for a later post.

Given the menu I so tenderly prepared and the considerate and meaningful location I had selected, it’s hard to believe that something could go wrong. Well, it did.

I sat in bird shit, then thought I had trodden in dog shit. My beloved made a small fuss about the number of shops that were closing down, so we went into a shop that was still open (with a ‘Closing Down’ sign out the front). She asked him why they were closing, and the owner explained that people weren’t buying stuff. We expressed commiserations and then turned and left. Without buying anything.

Without buying ANYTHING.

Thus confirming his decision to close down.

I’m pretty certain though, that if he was to start selling latex panda hats at a surprisingly affordable rate, he could count on ongoing business.

At least from the naughty corner.



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