My Sauce


It never thickens on standing. I am at a point now where I do not and cannot believe what those stupid packet mixes tell me. I feel that there has been a secretive conspiracy to make me feel as though I am a failure.

They don’t thicken for anyone, do they?

Generally my culinary skills are rather impressive. However the last 24 hours have seen a rapid decline in these skills. We’d run out of most things in the Bakery, so last night I dug through the cupboards until I surfaced triumphantly with a packet mix pasta thing in my hand. Add milk, water, margarine. Easy. Sauce will thicken on standing.

I stirred the yellow and the pasta, thinking that it was missing something. Something important. Ah yes! Nutrition!

I threw in a steam bag of veges. In a brainfart moment, tossed in a handful of olives and some tomato.

Flicked off the stove top, and let my dinner stand.

I waited for the promised thickening. Soup. Soup. Soup.

Where is my thickening?

I had a think about what I could do. In my hungry and exhausted state I made a choice that seemed obvious: a healthy splash or two of chilli sauce.

When the smell hit me, I know I had made a mistake.

I had to strain my dinner to serve it. Congealed yet magically still soup-like, I watched the yellow trickle down the plug hole. Put a serving into a bowl. Ate it.

Within two hours I was faced with a harsh reality that was akin to a double edged sword: That sauce had no intention of ever thickening, and the entire meal was making a rapid and offensive escape.

Which brings us to today. An apple for breakfast. A teaspoon of off yoghurt. A muesli bar. This provided fuel for me to contemplate the activities for Cubs tonight.

I decided to teach them how to make special cake mix biscuits. Purchased the mixes, divided them up so that the Cubs could bake in pairs.

Then I received a text suggesting that I cancel Cubs this week, due to a camp that had been held. I baked one batch to take next door.

Turns out sprinkles melt, then burn, much quicker than biscuits cook.

My burnt little bullets were well-received, however.

I have a couple of photos of cooking adventures that you may enjoy. The first shares the demise of my beaters:

ImageAnd of course, we all remember the vagina cupcakes from earlier this year. But I may have neglected to mention Mr Peney, the decadent dessert!

ImageDoes your sauce thicken on standing? Could you eat a fondant penis? 


2 responses »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s