I feel really sad for the Cookie Monster. The poor blue bastard has been forced to question the very essence of his being, and last I heard was consuming lettuce leaves and broccoli in an attempt to promote healthy eating.
Newsflash, people: The Cookie Monster? He’s a fucking puppet!!
“But now me know that self control is something me must try” is the new phrase for the hungry cookie-loving dude. Apparently kids have gotten a confident handle on the whole “C is for Cookie” deal.
I feel really annoyed that yet another icon has had to change, simply because people are just a little bit dopey.
If you have ever tried to do the whole “fistfuls of cookies in your mouth while shouting OMNOMNOM” thing, you will know it is IMPOSSIBLE. Humans do not eat that way. Kids do not eat that way. Who in their right mind would present a child with a bowl full of biscuits and tell them to go for it? Because – and this is the crux of it – kids aren’t responsible for the food choices they make.
Was it Humphrey B Bear who was taken off air due to his lack of pants?
Come on! It’s not like Humphrey B Bear had Peter P Penis dangling between his legs!
What about the new ‘Down Down’ girl, Miley Cyrus? She was never going to be Hannah Montanna forever, people. While some were left feeling violated by her performance, we’re forgetting the greater crime: THE MUSIC HER FATHER MAKES. I’d be twerking too if my father was responsible for this. I’d say Billy Ray is sporting a pretty achey breaky heart right about now…
The opinion of this leso with no kids is that it’s probably time that we realise responsibility. It’s not about blaming other people. It’s not about asserting your right to not see a fictional character consuming excessive amounts of sugar or lasagne. It’s about saying “Hey, son or daughter! Cookie eats lots of cookies because he is an American. In Australia, he’d eat lots of biscuits. We don’t do that here because they are a sometimes food. Here is what that means.”
Don’t like certain symbols on bed linen? Don’t buy that linen! Don’t want your kids to see swear words on school products? Don’t take them into that shop! Don’t want your kids to see certain magazines in service stations? Don’t let your kid walk into a service station on their own!
I know that I am potentially oversimplifying things here. I get that there are maybe a million bigger pictures that I am missing. But what I find offensive in all of this is that we have lost the ability to think for ourselves and act in intelligent ways.
Open a dialogue with kids and explain why things like child stars growing up and puppets without pants aren’t going to be acceptable in your home. Don’t look to blame or overprotect. Change the channel. Log out of the site. There are solutions that actually lie within your ability. Make a choice.
Because if we aren’t careful? We’ll end up with everything being a little too family friendly… I present to you: The Kelly Family!