I decided that November would be about doing things even though I was afraid; about not letting fear get in the way of taking on challenges.
November has been a good month.
Here are some of the things I did in No Fear November:
- Walked into a spin class late.
- Dealt with a frog without running away.
- Went to the dentist, and booked a follow-up appointment.
- Went to different classes at the gym with unfamiliar instructors.
- Wore MAKE UP and FAKE EYELASH THINGIES and did a saucy photo shoot for beloved.
- Wore a singlet in public.
- Drove beloved’s big dyke truck car a lot.
- Dealt with Medibank after they screwed up my health cover, without getting overwhelmed and just letting it go.
- Made a list with nine items on it, instead of an even and pleasing ten.
The thing about fear is that it’s relative. What sends me into a blind panic may not barely cause a ripple for you. So my list might not look like much. For me, though, these are things that would not have happened if I didn’t have #nofearnovember in my head. Or they would have, but with so much anxiety and panic that I would have been projectile vomiting the entire time.
Just accepting that I was absolutely going to do something even though it scared me removed that element of power that anxiety can have over me. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t always pleasant. But I bloody did it.
So what now? Do I go back to letting anxiety be the boss?
I discovered that I actually kind of like letting my stubbornness be the boss instead.
No Fear November is going to lead in to No Doubt December. For December, I’m going to believe in myself.
Beloved, the flatmate who isn’t the flatmate anymore and I all completed the Santa fun run on Sunday. It was incredible to do the 6km with these two women by my side: Beloved, who has stood by me and loved me and even put special cream on my chafed bum. The flatmate who isn’t the flatmate anymore, who has been my best friend for over ten years and has seen me at my absolute worst and loved me through it. I had wanted to use the run to see how my time had improved over 12 months. I wanted to run as much of it as I could, and use to prove to myself how much had changed.
Here’s what changed:
I had no nerves. I was fine in the crowd and chaos. These things are routine for me now. I didn’t huff and puff at all. Walked and enjoyed it. Didn’t take many photos – I just wanted to soak it all in.
It wasn’t about the time. Or the agility or the speed.
This one, after 12 months, was about being thankful. For what my body has done. For the journey so far. And for the people by my side.
With those things, but especially the last one, how can I have any doubts?
No Doubt December. Are you in?